CPU roster

Chess.com-style ladder. Rookie = random legal play; based = heuristic; demon = heuristic + 1-ply lookahead.

Ash ▵

rookie

Real-handle NPC. Borrowed deck for now.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

Cross Product

rookie

First real-handle NPC. Plays a borrowed deck while we tune their personality.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

Crystal C. Sil~

rookie

Real-handle NPC. Borrowed deck for now.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

flowstate

rookie

Real-handle NPC. Borrowed deck for now.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

kungfutiger

rookie

Real-handle NPC. Borrowed deck for now.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

Shikhar

rookie

Real-handle NPC. Borrowed deck for now.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

sincere_mickey

rookie

Real-handle NPC. Borrowed deck for now.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

the perma-newcomer

rookie

Joined yesterday. Will summon a nanobie when she should pass.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

𝔗𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔶𝔩 🐢

rookie

Real-handle NPC. Borrowed deck for now.

Rating: 600 • Leader card #207

the e/acc gooner

rookie

All-caps psyop posts at 4am. Will summon bots before he summons critical thought.

Rating: 700 • Leader card #167

the vibes-only guy

based

No analysis. Pure vibes. Will summon the ultrabie on turn 4 because it 'felt right'.

Rating: 1000 • Leader card #121

the politely seething midwit

based

Has thoughts. They're cringe. Will reply to your subtweet within 30 seconds.

Rating: 1050 • Leader card #122

the OF-promoter

based

Thirst-traps your timeline. Cringe-vulnerable but the chain attacks hit.

Rating: 1080 • Leader card #18

the substack moralist

based

300 paid subscribers. Cancels you in a 2,000-word essay. Roast power untapped.

Rating: 1100 • Leader card #169

the policy poaster

based

Drama megabie with a takedown thread for every occasion.

Rating: 1150 • Leader card #217

the post-rationalist mystic

based

Drama channel. Will quote-tweet you a Jung essay if you cross him.

Rating: 1200 • Leader card #208

the cancel czar

demon

Three callouts deep. Will Mass Report your strongest summon by turn 2.

Rating: 1450 • Leader card #224

the cracked engineer

demon

Three monitors, no rizz. Knows exactly when to summon the ultrabie.

Rating: 1500 • Leader card #213